Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Zuckerberg, und danke für all die Fische.

I think it’s time to take a break from Facebook. Too much misinformation. And while we cruise full steam into an election year, the misinformation is flying around like horse shit. So I think it might be in my best interest to take a break until after the election. But before I go, let me share a bit of this writer’s wisdom, if you can see it as such. I have some thoughts I need to get off my chest.

Here goes.

I must be a fool. According to what people say on Facebook. I care about the environment, and think our tax money is better spent on science that solves the problem of pollution instead of perpetuating the status quo that is strangling our planet. That makes me a fool for thinking that way.

I must be an idiot. According to some old boomer who doesn’t know me. I’m an idiot that doesn’t understand why we need another billion-dollar aircraft carrier. Only an idiot wouldn’t understand why we need more aircraft carriers than the rest of the world combined. An entire fleet hanging around the seas, doing nothing but flexing and intimidating like a self-conscious douche at the gym who hopes nobody knows how small his penis is. I’m a fool for thinking that way.

I’m delusional. According to some guy who thinks a president with a fourth grade reading level makes the best leader. I’m delusional because I think our President should have dignity and poise. I’m delusional because I believe that due process and respect for the law are things that make America great. I’m delusional for expecting our President to address us formally, via press conference and offical statements, and not through angry, un-researched tweets from the toilet. That thinking makes me delusional.

I must be a Lib-tard. According to some random person who thinks it’s okay to remove the red and white from our flag. I’m a Lib-tard because I think a person’s right-to-choose is the definition of freedom, regardless of what some closed-minded farmer from Kansas thinks. I’m wrong about freedom, because I don’t think it’s okay to infringe personal beliefs on the masses. I’m wrong about freedom, because I believe that all people should be… free?

I’m so confused.

Here’s the thing, I believe our government is under attack from a complete and total takeover. I seriously think that some pretty bad people want control of America and its assets and I think they figured out a long time ago that aggressive military action wouldn’t work, and that for America to be taken over, they would need the undying love and support of the American people. I think America is in danger of losing itself from the inside, and the very people we’ve elected to preserve our way of life, might just destroy it. I believe this is happening. Call it a conspiracy, that matters to me little. I don’t trust that we settled the score 75 years ago and that the axis powers were effectively defeated. We won the war, but there were still enough old Nazis who infected their youth with their plan. The fourth reich is still a dream to some. Ignoring this fact makes us ostriches with our heads in the sand.

The problem I’m having is that there’s no way to know, as a citizen of this world, exactly who is taking over our government. Both sides are blaming the other. Who you believe depends solely on what media outlet you watch or listen to. So I’m choosing to ignore them both. Information is broken, and the internet is a monster who thrives on the carcass of proper journalism. I simply can’t be informed if I read anything on the internet. And Facebook is the Kingpin. It only makes sense to say goodbye for a bit and let the monster chew it’s own tongue instead of mine.

But how am I going to be informed you say?

Good question. There is no need for finding more information. My mind is already made up, and no loudmouth bootlicker on facebook is going to change my mind. Here’s my thoughts on that…

I think our most important issue at the moment is pollution and its effect on climate change. I spend a lot of time in nature, as much as I can and I still don’t think that’s enough. I’ve seen the pollution first-hand. I’ve witnessed the problems of climate change with my own two eyes, and we can argue until we’re blue-in-the-face over who or what is causing this, but it won’t change that fact that it’s happening. Pollution is killing our planet. It’s a fact. Denying the science that points out this fact keeps us in a neutral state that is making the situation worse. I refuse to allow a future where our children will find out that we were too stubborn in our broken political views to admit that we have a problem. I refuse to be silent when I see people and corporations being too foolsihly greedy to accept the change that’s needed to preserve the future of our planet for our children. Why would God create this universe for us and then allow us to destroy it for money? How can a person honestly sit there and think that pollution isn’t a problem? And while The United States isn’t the biggest polluter, we still contribute. Denying the science that could help save our future generations because we’re afraid of losing money… well… I can’t imagine a better reason to rot in hell for eternity. God’s greatest creation, teeming with life, chiseled to a mere scrap of dirt floating through space because at one time, one guy wanted to live on a yacht. Hell exists for those type of people, yet I’m the idiot for thinking it’s wrong. This theory, that I am an idiot for thinking this way, I learned on Facebook, where everybody has a voice, and some people choose to use it for making people like me understand how stupid I am… for thinking that the God we worship is the planet that provides us food, air, and water. I must be so stupid for thinking that we can’t just pillage our planet (our God) for our own wealth.

So, as we head into this election season, I’m voting for environmental rights. I’m voting for science, and ingenuity. I’m voting for gay and transgender freedom. I’m voting for better education and less military spending. So I guess that makes me a bleedin’ heart liberal. My parents will be so ashamed, according to one guy on Facebook I’ve never met. And if the Dirty Demmy-crats are the ones truly taking over our government, then I guess I’m just a fool who’s an easy vote. A fool who doesn’t want our children to wake up and realize that we were too late to save the planet. A fool who doesn’t want to tolerate industrialized warfare. A fool who thinks freedom and greatness come from being free to decide, regardless of whether or not the decision aligns with one person’s view. I’m just a fool who cares about other people than myself. A fool who thinks our president should have poise, and dignity. I’ll vote for Toonsis the Driving Cat if he can stand there and tell me with decorum that environmental science is getting a budget increase, instead of denying it on Twitter from his litter box. If that makes me a fool, then call me a proud stooge. At least I can sleep at night knowing that I chose to side with Nature instead of money.

One last speck of wisdom or foolery before I go. This one is an open statement to Republicans;

Be careful.

Your political party is getting really hard to like. Harder to like than Democrats. It’s been a downward spiral that started decades ago, and it seems that all we have to do, is wonder how much worse it can get, and Republicans just raise the bar of crazy and blow all of our minds. I mean, I’m honestly afraid to say this… how much worse can they get? Will we finally reach the bottom when we elect David Duke as President?

Here’s a lightning bolt of thought that hit me recently… every time a Boomer dies, a Republican loses a vote. Say it again and ring a fucking bell every time you hear it… every time a Boomer dies, a Republican loses a vote. DING DING! In 20 years, you’ll have barely enough votes to share the green party line at the bottom of the election results. Very few young people are pro-republican, it’s a fact regardless of what your conservative media tells you. Republicans are the minority, despite the fact that you have a President and Congressional majority. That map you celebrate, of voter precints from 2016? I’ve seen a lot of that magnificent countryside… there’s not too many people there. Land doesn’t vote… people do. If you want your party to succeed into the future, you might want to have coffee with Mitt Romney and get his playbook. Cause you can tell me a thousand reasons why conservatives are the way to go, but as long as you stand alongside white supremacists and deny the science that could save my children’s future, I will simply think you’re a fool. A lot of people think like me, we are the majority. I got that from actually looking at society and speaking to people. Republicans are the minority, and a whole new crop of foolish Democrat kids are ready to vote this year. Come back to the table of environmentalism and human rights or suffer the end of the Republican party. That’s a foolish fact from my own brain, not some biased media source on the internet. And it’s a warning of support. Because your political party was once great, and has some really great ideas, but I’m afraid you’ve lost your way, and I don’t see a bright future for you. If you want to convince me that the Left side of the aisle is the party trying to take over the world, then maybe stop acting so shady all the time. Cause it really does look like Donny Baby and his Russkie friends are calling the shots. That doesn’t sound very American to me. Russians in the Oval Office? Saluting and praising North Koreans? Have we forgotten the Soviet Union and the days of The Red Scare so quickly? Russia may be a new ally, but we shouldn’t forget the decades we spent on the edge of decimation with them. They’re about as trustworthy as a heroin junkie. I don’t see too many Russian indictments coming from the left, and I sure-as-shit don’t see any of them praising a Kim. Just sayin’… something from the foolish brain of this stupid Lib-tard. Take it or leave it, I care not. Information is broken. What makes my opinion any different?

Here’s another knife-edge of thought I’ve suffered recently… for eight years, I listened to Republicans tell me that Obama was going to take my guns and my freedom, yet after his two terms, I still [had] my guns and still have my freedom. For eight years, you told me that Obama was going to destroy America. Yet by the end of his presidency, my life was better than it had ever been. The same can be said for the first three years of Trump’s presidency. 2017 was undoubtedly the best year of my life… financially, career-wise, and health-wise. That was during Trump’s presidency. Which Democrats have been screaming at me about how he’s going to destroy the country and destroy my job. Neither of those things have happened and they probably won’t. Because it’s not the President’s responsibility to make me happy. It’s not his or her job to give me a better life, it’s mine. And it honestly doesn’t matter (for me anyway) who sits in the White House, my life is always great because I work hard to make it that way. So… I need to focus on the things that matter most to me, which are environmental rights. Human rights / LGTBQ+ rights. Better budgets for education and teachers, and smaller budgets for weapons manufacturers and their private jets. It’s actually refreshing, and made voting quite easy. Despite what some toxic masculinity douche says. Cause I care little about what some micro-penis man thinks of me. I care more about what Mother Nature sees me do.

That’s all… for now. See you after the election. Until then, you can call or text, or find me on Instagram, posting pictures from my adventures in the wild, as far away from the misinformation theater as possible. And I’m voting “blue no matter who,” and that’s the Republican party’s fault. That’s the President’s fault. I’m a God damned Lib-tard, Demmy-crat who’s brought shame on his Boomer parents, and it’s Congress’s fault. Mitch McConnell’s fault for not taking election meddling seriously, for not taking the environment seriously. For not thinking that all people are equal in the eyes of Mother Nature. For not thinking my kids need better funding for their educations. For not respecting due process. These are the reasons I’ll never vote red again, and these are the reasons the Republican party will end in 20 years. It’s time to shit or get off the Twitter pot.

Auf Wiedersehen meine Landsleute. See you next Christmas.

-Nate 2/22/2020

One thought on “Auf Wiedersehen, Herr Zuckerberg, und danke für all die Fische.

  1. A well written rant, but a rant nonetheless. I don’t even have a FaceBook account simply for the same reason that people love it or hate it – like most social media, it’s a platform for whatever anyone wants to say. I’m all for free speech, but avoid useless prattle.

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